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rusherD

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rusherD   in reply to mothersscapegoat   on

Helping Survivors and Victims Heal: Things Not to Say to Someone Recovering

Your words: "I am a hard-working, college educated, single mom who made the mistake of hoping my own mother would someday love me." Your words nailed me - in the chest - hard. I understand what you were communicating with these words in the context in which you used them. I do not intend to preach and/or correct you, and I write these words for myself as well, because what you wrote hammered me. How is it a mistake to hope the very person who carried you, bore you, and was to be 'mother' to you might one day love you? I believe that is an instinctive 'hope' or need, and I believe it would indicate just how normal you are to want that love. If there is a mistake here, it is that you are left to HOPE for the love that you have always deserved, and I do not believe it is you who made the mistake. I, too, was raised by a mother with a malignant form of narcissism. When you speak of evil, I hear you. I do not doubt there are things in your past that are nothing less than psychological/emotional torture. As far as it "really not being that bad" . . . living at the mercy of someone with a narcissistic character disorder is a brand of hell I cannot find words to describe. When it is a child at the receiving end . . . it is toxic, and not the "icky feeling in your tummy" toxic . . . it is the potent, poisonous toxic. I recently learned this truth about my mother. I know your hell, mscapegoat. It was real. It cannot be minimized.
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